Cemmysis

I've lived a life where I have never been actually loved by my family. They've had their own complications to deal with and never really concerned about me. I can't remember the last time I sat down, and calmly talked with anyone from my family. I've been traumatized by my family. With my parents' failing marriage, and my parents only focusing at their arguments like children, they've forgotten about me. They cannot actually love me either. I've never been comfortable with my family. I've been told so many things. They want me to be a figure basically. Not being able to have my own opinions spoken, Not being able to do what I want,

I choke up with pain. Pain from others, And pain from myself. I can't speak. I can only sit and stay. What can I even do for myself. I am chin deep underwater. I can't breathe with this pressure. I can't take this. I am awake, And I cannot go back to sleep. I want to disappear. I don't want to exist. Do I even exist? I am filled with insanity. All I can hear are the devils inside of me. "They do not care." "You are nothing to them." "Who would love someone like you?." These voices strangle me. I just want these voices to disappear with me.

Dear mother, You say that I am your world, Your love, Your little angel. But why do you hurt me so? Why do you ignore me problems and say that you are giving me privacy? Why do you call me fat? Why do you say that I cannot do anything? Why do you say all that? You always say that I am an embarrassment in public, You do not want you reputation in public to be ruined, You do not want to be called a bad mother; But in truth, You are a bad mother. You never ask me about my problems, You almost never support me in anything I do, When I came out of the dark closet you right shoved me back in with your silence. In situations in which I wish to c